Pffft! OMG ROTFLMAO

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?'

She said, 'Yes, my husband and I use it all the time....'

'If you don't mind my asking,' he said, 'what do you use it for?'

'We use it for sex,' she said.

'Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a Child's' bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.. and I admire you for your honesty. Can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?'

'My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out!'

Confucius say:


"If you are in a book store and cannot find

the book for which you search,

you are obviously in the.....

how true...

Little Johnny has caught hell for years. It was only a matter of time before he vindicated himself. Perseverance and persistence with a touch of redneck thinking.



HOW TO SELL ... TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &
Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!"

Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the Obama governmental approach of giving you something shitty, but looks good, for free, and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."

The teacher was speechless. . . . . . . . Little Johnny got 5 stars for his efforts, bless his heart. . . . . . .

http://bacontoday.com/colored-bacon/

Condosan wrote:STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING THIS IS IMPORTANT!!

Dont worry here is the link for the ringtone
http://www.mobango.com/media_details/rockmelon/Ijz4798BqlE%3D/#

my boobs just got bigger thinking about it!

Hideto Tomabechi is my new Hero...
i wonder if he has any ringtones for reducing penis size??

Condosan wrote:June 15, 2010: Respect My Authoritah





http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-june-15-2010/respect-my-authoritah

The left is on the case. Obama has no support left. He's flying solo, now.

egotarian wrote:Hideto Tomabechi is my new Hero...
i wonder if he has any ringtones for reducing penis size??

A cell phone filled with iced cold water carried in your front pocket. When you get a call.......

Clarke and Dawe Explain the Oil Spill

Hahahahahaa!!!
Yah! THAT WILL DO IT...

Pocket change wrote:

egotarian wrote:Hideto Tomabechi is my new Hero...
i wonder if he has any ringtones for reducing penis size??

A cell phone filled with iced cold water carried in your front pocket. When you get a call.......

"A female condom with jagged "teeth" that grips a man's....."

I bet you read this one!



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html

I want to add I don't find the situation humorous but, visualizing a guy screaming like a little girl with this thing clamped on to his trouser trout a hoot.

She said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.


He said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
____________________________________________

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.


She said...Well, you succeeded.

Pocket change wrote:"A female condom with jagged "teeth" that grips a man's....."

I bet you read this one!



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html

I want to add I don't find the situation humorous but, visualizing a guy screaming like a little girl with this thing clamped on to his trouser trout a hoot.

YOWCH!

Condosan wrote:

Pocket change wrote:"A female condom with jagged "teeth" that grips a man's....."

I bet you read this one!



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html

I want to add I don't find the situation humorous but, visualizing a guy screaming like a little girl with this thing clamped on to his trouser trout a hoot.

YOWCH!

I think in this case the new slang term should go from "Beaver" to "Gator" ! It hurts when I pee just thinking about that!

ndssomluk wrote:

Condosan wrote:

Pocket change wrote:"A female condom with jagged "teeth" that grips a man's....."

I bet you read this one!



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html

I want to add I don't find the situation humorous but, visualizing a guy screaming like a little girl with this thing clamped on to his trouser trout a hoot.

YOWCH!

I think in this case the new slang term should go from "Beaver" to "Gator" ! It hurts when I pee just thinking about that!

On a serious note, when a man gets caught with this thing on there will be a new round of the same ol crap, "Bush did it" !

ARREST IN BANK ROBBERY,
SUSPECT’S TV PICTURE SPURS TIPS

At 5 feet 6 inches and about 270 pounds, bank robbery suspect McArthur Wheeler isn’t the type of person who fades into the woodwork. So it was no surprise that he was recognized by informants, who tipped detectives to his whereabouts after his picture was telecast Wednesday night during the Pittsburgh Crime Stoppers Inc. segment of the 11 o’clock news.

At 12:10 a.m. less than an hour after the broadcast, he was arrested at 202 S. Fairmont St., Lincoln-Lemington. Wheeler, 45, of Versailles Street, McKeesport, was wanted in [connection with] bank robberies on Jan. 6 at the Fidelity Savings Bank in Brighton Heights and at the Mellon Bank in Swissvale. In both robberies, police said, Wheeler was accompanied by Clifton Earl Johnson, 43, who was arrested Jan. 12.

Wheeler had walked into two Pittsburgh banks and attempted to rob them in broad daylight. What made the case peculiar is that he made no visible attempt at disguise. The surveillance tapes were key to his arrest. There he is with a gun, standing in front of a teller demanding money. Yet, when arrested, Wheeler was completely disbelieving. “But I wore the juice,” he said. Apparently, he was under the deeply misguided impression that rubbing one’s face with lemon juice rendered it invisible to video cameras.

In a follow-up article, Fuoco spoke to several Pittsburgh police detectives who had been involved in Wheeler’s arrest. Commander Ronald Freeman assured Fuoco that Wheeler had not gone into “this thing” blindly but had performed a variety of tests prior to the robbery. Sergeant Wally Long provided additional details — “although Wheeler reported the lemon juice was burning his face and his eyes, and he was having trouble (seeing) and had to squint, he had tested the theory, and it seemed to work.” He had snapped a Polaroid picture of himself and wasn’t anywhere to be found in the image. It was like a version of Where’s Waldo with no Waldo. Long tried to come up with an explanation of why there was no image on the Polaroid. He came up with three possibilities:

(a) the film was bad;

(b) Wheeler hadn’t adjusted the camera correctly; or

(c) Wheeler had pointed the camera away from his face at the critical moment when he snapped the photo.

If Wheeler was too stupid to be a bank robber, perhaps he was also too stupid to know that he was too stupid to be a bank robber — that is, his stupidity protected him from an awareness of his own stupidity.

ndssomluk wrote:

ndssomluk wrote:

Condosan wrote:

Pocket change wrote:"A female condom with jagged "teeth" that grips a man's....."

I bet you read this one!



http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/06/20/south.africa.female.condom/index.html

I want to add I don't find the situation humorous but, visualizing a guy screaming like a little girl with this thing clamped on to his trouser trout a hoot.

YOWCH!

I think in this case the new slang term should go from "Beaver" to "Gator" ! It hurts when I pee just thinking about that!

On a serious note, when a man gets caught with this thing on there will be a new round of the same ol crap, "Bush did it" !

"Bush did it" You needed a drum for a rim shot after that one. LOL!!

The results are in

Thanks Condo ... had to share that on FACEBOOK ... LOL